Eve

I feel her arms around me
My mother
Born at the creation of the world

New arms are stretched above me
Blood shed before the foundation
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

What do you do
When the smiles aren't fake
You feel like a million, billion, trillion dollars has just somehow fallen into your lap
You can ford the rough waters
Build bridges
And climb over mountains that seemed impossible before
And it seems like forever is not a long way ahead
Or even a long time ago
For forever is now
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

The ship

Art and beauty haunts me
It tells me of a land where I came from
An island I was born on
It tells me of my home
And all I want to do
In these piercing, bloody, painful moments
Is jump on the first ship -
But I can't find one
I lie in torment
I lie writhing in pain

Remind me, oh blackbirds
Perching in a tree
Watching crawling insects
Watching me

Remind me, chirping dogs
Bouncing squirrels
Climbing vines
Slime trailing snails
Tell me winter, cold and dark
Tell me, springtime flowers hearts
Tell me autumn, summer blue
Fashion flesh and make me new
Tell me feet that carry me
'Cross ocean waters, wild and free
Tell me island stepping stones
That these sweet breaths are not my home

Come in whispers, shadows, lies
Tales and stories, lullabies
Come in reflections, make your nest
Glide to my shoulder, make your rest
Come towering mountain, make me low
Come shower the earth with lazy snow
Come shining moon, a frosty pearl
A dream of ancient dusty worlds
A peeled banana
A spinning wheel
Beyond the markets cold and steel
Coat of fresh paint
Plume of smoke
Greying hair an aged cloak
Bring me fire from the sun
A dying dream, a smoking gun
Watch every program on TV
Build admiration, plant a tree
Build every tower every sky
Has ever seen with watchful eye

Come word, be nameless, come like day
Come change this shape of this small clay
Come come deliver, make it right
Small newborn crying in the night
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

The end

The end of a chapter
I sit in your pocket now
Snuggled and tuggled and tucked away
It's a perfect fit

The end of an empire
The grandest illusion
Clandestine confusion
Great balls of fire

There's a tall tower above me
Made of ivory
Still focused on just one little pinpoint of light in the night sky
And I'm ablaze down here
Just trying to see
If I could be seen by you
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

the "how-to"

Many of us wish to teach But the how to is a cave The how to is cold and dark The how to is a grave

dad poem, august 3.

I carry you with me, Mr. MacLean

In a pocket of steel-blue pennies and magic rings

Down dusty Wranglers tucked over your snakeskin boots

And I remember what it was like to be carried by you.

Kept from a windstorm

Rocked and baked and well-groomed, bloomed and safe

With tender roots, unstretched, unsettled

I was a tender plant.

Was there anything more noticeable than you?

You peeled the paint from my windows

and dragged me along in the grass

Like a kid with invisible water skis

Now with you here in my pocket 

There is nothing less detectable than you, it seems

And there is nothing less believable

Than the way things seem to be to me.

I'm carrying you now, Mr. Wisdom

Instead of you carrying me.

Heaven is

My life unfolding
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

You paint a smile on my face

------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

round

our words, a round
perfect ping pong, upright table
setting back, setting forth
on the wall, from the floor
to the ceiling, up and up
hello, tomorrow...fill my cup
with fizzing streams
steaming joy
light a candle
round of joy.

Songs

Sonhs that were loud
And songs that were mean
And songs that were anti everything
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

The ship

Art and beauty haunts me
It tells me of a land where I came from
An island I was born on
It tells me of my home
And all I want to do
In these piercing, bloody, painful moments
Is jump on the first ship -
But I can't find one
I lie in torment
I lie writhing in pain

Remind me, oh blackbirds
Perching in a tree
Watching crawling insects
Watching me

Remind me, chirping dogs
Bouncing squirrels
Climbing vines
Slime trailing snails
Tell me winter, cold and dark
Tell me, springtime flowers hearts
Tell me autumn, summer blue
Fashion flesh and make me new
Tell me feet that carry me
'Cross ocean waters, wild and free
Tell me island stepping stones
That these sweet breaths are not my home

Come in whispers, shadows, lies
Tales and stories, lullabies
Come in reflections, make your nest
Glide to my shoulder, make your rest
Come towering mountain, make me low
Come shower the earth with lazy snow
Come shining moon, a frosty pearl
A dream of ancient dusty worlds
A peeled banana
A spinning wheel
Beyond the markets cold and steel
Coat of fresh paint
Plume of smoke
Greying hair an aged cloak
Bring me fire from the sun
A dying dream, a smoking gun
Watch every program on TV
Build admiration, plant a tree
Build every tower every sky
Has ever seen with watchful eye

Come word, be nameless, come like day
Come change this shape of this small clay
Come come deliver, make it right
Small newborn crying in the night
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

We're all together

On our own
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

This magical land

This magical land that I see in my waking dreams is
My dinner table
This desert landscape
Magic carpet in the clouds
This holy palace
Shining like a bubble
I'm awake, so near, so obvious
Its my own picnic blanket
The one I'm sitting on
Fibers stained with grass washed with Tide
Its the teacup in my hands
The mirror on my dresser
Why am I looking when
It's just behind my eyes?
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

(More)

I'm the one who said
God don't forsake me now
I'm the one who said I'd leave it all somehow
I'm the one who tried to reach up from the dust
You're the one whose whisper broke the silence
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

I'm the one

I'm the one who said
God put me thru the fire
I'm the one who said
Lord put me to the test
I'm the one who looked up with eyes like shadows from the grave
I'm the one who begged
Begged to be made to live again

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Agitation

My agitation
With places and spaces
Half empty boxes
And threads (tattered)
Has baffled the experts
Doctors scratch their scalps
And wrinkle their brows
While I writhe at their feet

But I know
There are words that can save me
If I dig them up
They grow from the earth like pencils in a cup
Ready to sctach the surface of me
With a new song
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Dream

When you are finally living your dream
You may not even know
If your dreaming you did long ago
Another age
Now you're awake

Now you find with the sky at your side
And the stars on your shoulders
You'll never forget
You feed yourself now, you follow the clouds
And you'll pass by me
Without any hesitation

You forgot what you wanted
You can't remember how you got started

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Screen doors

The screen doors will come off
But perhaps not without some skin
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Fwd: We may be better off

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <amanda@talkdata.com>
Date: Tue, May 24, 2011 at 10:35 PM
Subject: We may be better off
To: Me <macleaney@gmail.com>


Letting this thing fall apart
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Treasures

These tears are
Heavenly treasures
Regret, a broken heart, regret
It skips a beat
Ignored
An empty heart
Ignored
A spoken word
Spoken thoughts of you

This picture
Requies our science
These numbers
Require our art
The room where you once laid
It calls to me
Requires my heart

My judgments tear you out of the equation
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Poetry is when
My stream of consciousness finds
A vein
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

The how to is a cave

Many of us wish to teac
But the how to is a cave
The how to is cold and dark
The how to is a grave

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Missing

Cause I've been missing you so much
I don't know how to lift myself up
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

I don't know

I don't know if this shit just moved me because I'm sentimental...
Or if there's really something there
I ought to know, I ought to have the answers, have the patience
To have had it figure out
By now

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

What would you look like

If I took off your bandages?
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

spider

you have a home
stop crawling on top of my desk like a spider
instead,
please -
weave me a web

i'm weaving a web
just weaving a web
but what can i say i've caught?

printed and bound

oh, it's a struggle, it's a fight
to make it all fit exactly right
to make sure all the ends are tied tight
to make it what i want
whatever that might be.

i found it sitting on a shelf
i found it underneath a paperweight
i used to have to many names for you
that's just how you got lost.

i saw you dancing like a sparkle [flash of ?] in my dreams
that's how i recognized you.
leaves of paper, printed words
who has the energy for that?
who made you, little one?

i've been skipping stones
skimming my own bones
looking for some meat to write a few tiny poems about

maybe someday i'll make a song
figure out how to get along
without falling apart

letters printed all over the place
taking up space
floating along where my dreams ought to be
what happened to me?
i'm still fluttering, floating around
waiting to be
printed and bound.

People make good canvasses

But poor mediums
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

The cords I tied to you just strangled me
Too scared to cut them off
Will I lose you too?
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

Mi corazon

Me duele
Me duele
Me duele mucho en mi
(Repita)
No puedo hacer nada
No puedo hacer nada
No puedo hacer nada
Silencio en los cielos
Ayudame para escuchar
La (dolor? Pain) es mi oyido
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

Sad girl

Sadf girl, come one
How long will you forget?
How long youir love has already suffered for you?
Why are you crying tell me what you're waiting for?
Sometimes you have to haul your ass out of the bed
There's glory waiting in the breakfast pan
Waiting just for you you are
Just waiting to be fed

------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

Honey I know

Oh yes I do
Honey the demons fight me too
------------------------------
Sent via BlackBerry

he'll find himself

He’ll find himself

With someone who’s okay with him not knowing himself

And not knowing those around him

He’ll find himself

Either with or without happiness, companionship

In proportion to his grace

He’ll find himself there, you don’t need to hold his hand

He’ll find himself there, you don’t need to take him there

He’ll find himself there, you don’t need to hold his hand

He’ll find himself there, you don’t need to take him there

Go on without him

Go on with just your own resolve

Go on with all your flaming arrows

Now your quiver’s full

Go on and touch it

Touch that golden floating chalice

Pull it down and make it servant to your lips

It’s gonna make you full

It’s gonna make you fly

It’s gonna make you want to pull down angels’ wings

we pretend

We pretend it’s nothing to be born

A thing nobody asked for

Nobody asked to be

We pretend it’s only breathing, just a breath

But something in the air we breathe

Is a witness against our ignorance and blindness

We are fast asleep

Though not many of us dreaming

We are walking in a cloud escaping form

We are wrapped like vines around a standing pillar

Scaling the surface with our leaves

We are breaking bread

And making much of every morsel on the shelf

Noting the absence of ourselves from the table at which we sit

Where have we gone? Hid away with silent echoes

In the corners of existence

The air that we’ve been pretending to be breathing

All along

the business woman

I’m a businesswoman

All dressed in black

In such a hurry to get to the other side

Of the track

On the move and

On the rise

Businesswoman in disguise

Working woman with a pack strapped on her back

She’s got mud caked in her shoes and sits in opportunity

I had a cookie just to honor my love for her today.

Fwd: Time began in a garden

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <amanda@talkdata.com>
Date: Sat, Apr 30, 2011 at 2:33 PM
Subject: Time began in a garden
To: Me2 <macleaney@gmail.com>



Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Fwd: Life moves slowly

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <amanda@talkdata.com>
Date: Sun, May 1, 2011 at 8:07 AM
Subject: Life moves slowly
To: Me2 <macleaney@gmail.com>


And is over quickly
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Fwd: Parting with plastic

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <amanda@talkdata.com>
Date: Fri, Apr 29, 2011 at 5:12 PM
Subject: Parting with plastic
To: Me2 <macleaney@gmail.com>


Where will you be in five years time
I wonder
I have a difficult time saying goodbye to you

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

no use

There's no use trying to impress you
Cause I never know what to expect

Geordie

Geordie left town to buy cigarettes
Ended up on the most wanted list
So he called to his love on the telephone
Honey I'm sorry but I won't be home

So she saddled up his horse, saddled up the black
Called the babysitter and said I'll be back
Rode right into town, to the governors chair
She wept for her Geordie and let down her golden hair

The man called the Law saw that her hair was fine
And he saw how she wept and stood right on the line
But he stood his ground and said, "my dear its too late
His crimes will be punished cuz they're far too great."

(Change the music here and decide whether to let geordie live or die)

He said sorry my lady but you're just too late
He must pay for his crimes cuz they're just too great

He's wanted for the murder of the kings own men
And he'll pay till the angels bring him back again

And she looked at her love
And looked down at her feet
She wore a golden locket that she knew he stole


Geordie looked at her with a greedy smile
Said I knew you'd come baby

She thought about her babies and the one in her womb
And that's when geordies lover she knew what to do


Geordies cold heart couldn't break hers anymore
Geordies cold blood could never shake hers anymore
Geordies cold heart could never break hers anymore

dreaming of a dream

I'm dreaming of a dream
Hanging from the cloud
Just above my bed
Suspended

My eyes spin to and fro
Across the prairie yard
I'm dreaming of rain
Without you

I'm sitting on the green
I'm glistening in the sun
I'm in ten thousand pieces on the ground
Now I'm just a sound

employed

My arms are employed today

With the fact and forth

My muscles seem to sway

Sweat on my brow

I paid attention for the first time to the moss-covered rock

A refuge from the tidal waves

A place to sit

I noticed that I had a hammock

I laid there for a while

Before going back to digging my space into the ground

The sun shines down and tells me I am just a son of yours

And no better than the mud between the cracks

I pushed with these arms again, the noonday on my back

And for the first time saw the ivy in the cracks

during communion

During communion when seth and the band would play

I let my fears, I let my worries drift away

And heard you in the silence

Write my song

Lay the patchwork quilt down

If nothing else I can admire the pattern

Even if I can’t make one of these myself

If I’m never bold enough to try at all

I guess I only want what I can’t have

I feel it like the blood in my veins

A story being written

I feel it like an itch on my skin

I want some hands to hold me

Want a voice to say, “My God you’ve really grown”

Well we all strive against the tide

Even though we know each night it’s coming in

I float along and ask myself why

This is all I’ve ever been

Why do I resist you

Wish for a kiss but never your flame

Too much to lose

What do I have to lose?

This is living if I ever said it

This is living if I ever saw it

I’m getting somewhere finally by going no where at all

It’s all just who we’re meeting

Who we’ve met

We share a thing in common

You and I

I like to write you secretly upon the walls

In deep corners

Darker than most

You like to wipe the floor with me

And I agree

There’s no other place quite like it anywhere

I really can’t try to speak your language anymore

I’m tired of dreaming of the bourgeoisie

Spilling old English on my living room floor

Carpets of wax

Standing on a picture I’ve already seen

Take me to my kingdom

Take me to my homeland

I’ve been trembling inside just

Shaking to see it

No, I can’t speak this language anymore

This foreign tongue has blistered my brain

Would you please help me out

And take my picture?

say with fewer words

Say with fewer words

And you might say successfully

Say with none at all

And you just might succeed

Beauty, the divine found

Running in the rain one day

Specks against the street lamps

Splashing little foolish sparks

Reminding me of when I was a child

I try so hard to figure out how to respond to this

I can’t stand anymore

I’m just too weak to stand

Much dreaming and many words

Fail meaning, fail it all

Therefore I just shut my eyes

Let tears say it all

Let's spend our money on flowers

Forget about the bills
We'll just leave them for the birds
Cuz that's just
That's just the way the world works
Cuz these will be our memories

Because relatively few will ever hear our songs
Because even on the wind of these divine wings they were still written in the dirt
And these sands despite the ( ) aren't getting any lighter

If we're rewarded in this life honey then you'll be rewarded too
I got a feeling that part of my reward is sitting here with you
So let's buy flowers

inside this globe

Inside of this globe

I painted the curves of this globe from the inside and now

Now it is time

Time to push open the bottom trap door and emerge

Burst from the foliage of my youth with a bang

Crouched in a corner I began

With a crutch I never learned to put down

And a thought I gripped so hard with my hands that it became a lie I still believe

And I’ve wanted to set this whole globe on fire

Strike a match to the earth and watch the whole thing burn

Indiscriminately

And I’ve wanted to pull down the clouds from their place in the sky

And fly up there myself

Let the rain burst from my body instead

If I had a tune

If I had a tun to sing

I would sing it to you

While we watch the sun go down

There it goes, there it goes

If I had a word for this sun just

Gleaming on the water

I would write it down and throw it in the sea

Would you jump in for it with me?

There could be a day when we have the words

The sounds of melodies

But for now we just have our hands

These hands, these fingertips and

These lungs full of something we can’t see

Tell me you can see the light going down on the water

I want to explain

I want to explain

Explain to you what seeing in the dark is like

I want to explain

To make you understand, yes

Make you understand

Can I hide it in these words

Can I hide it in a look from my eyes

Can I hide it in a laugh

Can I possibly hide

Hide this smile of mine?

I would like to explain

Explain to you what I hear in the silence

This silent secret language

Nobody seems to know

And I would like to explain

What I am doing with this

Oversized bag of charms

Maybe giving one to you

Maybe giving one to everyone

I may not live along the shoreline

I may not live along the shoreline

But I can see the ocean from my porch

Just a sliver of blue or of grey

Depends on the day

To tell you the truth

I may not be able to paint/write/take a picture whatever to capture this moment

And maybe I’ll leave this half-developed idea on a page

Somewhere underneath

All the blank sheets of paper I’m too scared to touch

I thought I could fill them so magically by moving around

But they stay empty no matter where you run

Seeing something new is nice but

It doesn’t change the fact that I’m afraid

Cause I haven’t seen that the secret and the strength is not

Behind me or before me but inside me

It’s inside me, it’s inside me

The kingdoms not behind me or before me or above me or below me

It’s inside me

Pay attention to the things that matter

Green Ink Pen

I'm going back
To those sweaty Arizona days
When I wrote the words down from my favorite songs
In pencil on my books from school

I'm going back
To those mornings in the desert sun
When I wondered how far I could run
If I ever got the nerve
I'm going back
To those thunder storming nights
Shoulders hanging outside my windowsill
Hair soaked but I was fine
I do this sort of thing all the time

Highlighting in a magazine
On what I promise is my last flight of the year
Are the words I've been looking for
Bleeding from my memory
They were written all along.

God made a garden

God made a garden
and I was walking one day
and I found it

God made a garden
And I was looking for an ocean
to put my feet into
when I found it

God planted a garden
and when I wasn't looking he broke
the surface of the water by planting a flower
can i keep walking or does this mark
the end of the path?

God made a meadow
But I'm still hiding in the trees
wondering if this is where I'm supposed to be
where to go from here
when the flowers seem to wilt in my shadow as I'm walking by

I was just on my way to catch the last bus out of here
When I heard music playing in the garden

This is a new way
such a new way
this is an entirely new way
to enjoy the fruit

The rest

I was choking on these wishes
Wrapped in the smoke of a fire that burned too high
Like venus's sky
I'll never find my way out of this black hole sinking
But now I'm breathing deep again
What's gone is decomposed
I can't go back in that direction

so this is it

this is where the song begins

musical alliances

strumming all along

stepping on the dance floor

this is where the lights go dim

channel all the heat within

words come out but run so thin

like dissipating smoke

lean a little, lean a lot

don't go anywhere, please

a whisper may be all we've got

baby, don't go anywhere

(still in progress)

fellow cinderella

my fellow cinderella

we each had a string of pearls

each day we ran our fingers down along and counted each one

my fellow sleeping beauty

we each believed in love

sleeping on a bed of roses we were made for waking

you're the other cleopatra

make the ships sail, make them sink

we'll make them go in circles 'round the earth to find us

my fellow cinderella

come on and make a beauty out of me

fellow cinderella

no fellow knows the beauty you make out of me

Discovery

Discovery

Amanda MacLean

What a paradise this is
This little orb
A garden state
A maze of greens and blues
Triangulating

Transliteration on the wall
Inside my pocket as you call to me
From the other side of space
The red and yellow, black on white
Ocean depths on mountain heights
The resurrection of a stillborn seed

I'll embrace you, but beware of me

does it ever get better
will i ever get a letter from you?
four dimes, eight pennies taped
to the outside of a paper folded and stuck to the thoughts in your head.

will it ever be over?
this part of the ride,
like the thick muddy water left behind by the rain
the way i feel so afraid of the night.

do the pictures ever line up together?
in the end will we be together?
some shadows aren't worth hiding
some voices won't be silenced

Honey, put on your striped collared shirt

your dark sunglasses and your tinted glare

stare out the window of your cavalier

and keep me from swallowing you alive...

knock on the door and tell me I'm pretty

Tell me I'm the only thing you see

Knock on the window

Climb up the drainpipe

Drown me, baby, with ballads and breezes

Put on your polos, I'll handle your briefcase

Run my hands through your gel-slicked hair and watch you go to work

Every day is different with your company at hand

I'll take this any day.

(gel-slicked hair? really?)

where you went

Where you went all this time
I've sure got a rhyme or two
To say about it
Where you went tell me please
I'd sure love to join you
Behind the curtain
Let's go sail in the dark
Take our ship to those high seas they speak of in stories you told me
I wanna go there with you
Go anywhere with you

Goodbye was never a word that I learned
Goodbye, I'm telling you now
Goodbye wasn't a word that I wanted to tell you

I could wait around

For romeo
But I'm just not that kind of girl
I'm the girl who needs
To tell you that I'm here

I would wait around
Till I became another girl
But I've been waiting so so long already
I need to tell you that I'm here

I wanna show up on your doorstep tomorrow
And sing with you just to see how it feels
Tyu
------

(written on my phone while falling asleep...hence the "tyu" which is not an intelligible word in the English lexicon)

The thing about that night was

I was trying to wear a sign I couldn'd hold

human mind machine

human mind machine
never switches back to "off"
working thru the weather
working thru the night

human mind machine
you don't cease to amaze
human mind machine
how do you see so much?

you never miss a bit
you never miss a smile
you're always carrying a tune
you never slow down
I try to watch you one day
I try to read along
following your code
something always stops me
human mind machine
throws a wrench into the tears

two eyes
the world will never see

The shells I find on the beach of my mind
Skeletons of what I once believed
They crawled along the ocean
Moved the sand along
They crawled along the ocean
Tried to be whatever they could

I don't know what's good
I don't know what's crawling in the sand right now
Polishing the rocks
Swimming in my tears
Swimming through the fears
What made those skeletons drown?

I love being near myself
I love being here by myself

I'm gonna think about you
Till the lights come on again
I'm gonna think about you
Till I finally pick up my pen
I'm gonna think about you,
been thinking since
(God knows when)
I'm gonna think it all through
And then do it all over again

I'm gonna watch you breathe
Gonna watch you move
I'm gonna watch your eyes as they light the way
I'm gonna peel your skin off the sides of this afternoon
And watch the moon shine down
I don't see any clouds tonight

(go for a third verse!)

I'm gonna walk by the ocean
Gonna walk by the sea
I'm gonna tell my emotions, now you listen to me
You listen to me
I'm gonna find out who's ready
Gonna find out who swims the best and the fastest
and send them to you with the hope that
You'll come back for the rest yourself someday.

Stay busy and bloom

Stay busy, busy, busy – take roots

And bury, bury, bury them deeply

Till you’ve seen everything

You’ve seen it all.

You’ve been soil shocked

Pulled up, pulled out, dry and writhing

Making it, and faking it with honesty

Delivering a drop of sun, a drop of rain

Spider comes along and sees it eight new ways

Crawls along my shoulder and tells me secretly

I’ve seen nothing at all.

you rode on a kite

You rode on a kite

Down from where the winds catch every skirt they can feel

You made it feel real.

You bathed in a cloud

For nearly half my days you bathed and you lazed

Around in a cloud

I hope it feels bright.

Your smile is the sun

Golden streaks still don’t know where to run

Looking for some children’s face to kiss

They always miss

I shed a tear

You made it feel just like a kiss

Can you handle me?

Can you handle me?

Do you know what hit you

Are you remotely prepared for it

Are you a porch with a patio and swing

Or a deck I need to swab over and over again

Just like the rest of the platforms every set of steps has led to

Can we make it all the way through the litter scraps and waste

Decomposition may be all that we know anymore

And there are shorter vines now, receding

Draw back, line by line until

You find that you still

Can’t handle me